Resolving Revolving Resolutions

Resolutions are well-intoned declarations to positively transform something about ourselves. We all have experience pledging to extinguish bad habits and replace them with model-citizen improvement. The important thing to remember is there are no morality police in grand resolution overhaul. It is our internal chatter that often stymies our best intents. Clients come to me when they are frustrated by unsuccessful resolutions and ready to have me co-pilot for take-off. I want to get them beyond takeoff and integrate new perspectives that empower them to maintain beyond the goal itself. The good news is the slippery slope leading to resolutions can be improved upon!


In the health and wellness industry, autumn through December is the most slippery slope prompting resolution. October is a simmering preamble to 3 months worth accumulation of merriment and excess. January brings bills, ills and pills to salve the casualties of consumption. In the light of regret, resolutions to "un-ring" the bell fade faster than Baby New Year's first wet diaper.

I imagine a sheepish smile when I ask if you have pledged to "start exercising tomorrow". My sister said the same 12/24/16 as she sucked down her 19th snicker-doodle. Something about an alleged cookie famine threatening US soil. I refused to hold her hair back from the wild path of the cookie tsunami - which erupted like Mount Fuji from the bottom floor of her stomach. "You did this to yourself," said I. She asked, "Mom? That you?" I had become my mother after all. Not such a bad thing! 👵

The dilemma is that we want to do better, but there needs to be a self-regulating mediator. A healthy balance between what we should and shouldn't do. I underscore the importance of being a consistent advocate in taking a mindful role in seeking behaviors in our best interest. Consistent action is the cornerstone to habituating behavior. Easier said than done when we become frustrated in biting off more than we can chew. Many of us give up because the pain of failing at something is more frightening than the potential of succeeding. Nobody wants to fail at being better, but it is in those moments that change is within possible and within grasp. If you have ever tried to reach a goal and stuck with it when it became most difficult, you know how sweet the victory can be!💗

Setbacks in life are inevitable. We are conditioned to avoid pain and because setbacks may prompt a painful experience, we tend not to embrace them as an opportunity for growing. Progress is not always a linear escalation. There are reversals, sidetracks, and trip-ups en route to goals that are interpreted as derailment. When we change our perspective to one of inquisition, we can embrace the opportunities to grow and learn through retrospect.

Each time we propose a drastic resolution, we are stating a promise to ourselves while engaging in paradoxically unhealthy choices. The ensuing chaos is between the unrealistic vow and violation of how we care about ourselves through over indulging. Many times we will incorporate punishing internal dialogue that causes shame and guilt. We actually don't taste the food because we are consumed by guilt and making unrealistic resolutions we can't keep. In some cases we may surrender all control due to shame and continue to eat the whole pie.

It is understandable that we discard resolutions while experiencing disappointment in ourselves. We have let ourselves down 100% before we have had the conviction to follow through, all of which erodes self-esteem over time. The holding pattern of bad habits gains a downward trajectory until our physical and mental balance experiences signal an acute need for intervention. 

How can we change?

In order to make changes, try focusing on specifics. For example, committing to walking more is not specific. Instead, add ten minutes to your daily walk of 20 minutes, three times per week. Losing weight is another example. Generalized ideals to lose weight is vague. Consider a reasonable loss of no more than 1.5 lbs per week over the course of six months until you reach your goal. Specific goals make focus and drive more likely than generalizations.


Another tip for helping to make changes or reasonable "resolutions" is to have a specific plan of action spread out over a longer period of time. For example, attempting to condense your 10 pound weight loss in one week will not be healthy nor attainable short of having a stomach virus! Slow, steady and consistent will result in less deprivation and more success over the long haul.

Keep it logical, reasonable, and stop guilting. Leave shame and guilt at the door and be responsible for your choices in an adult manner. Keep your indulgence within limits and set up a reasonable plan of action dealing with specifics. In doing so, we can take steps to extinguish/reduce unhealthy actions and maintain and/or restore balance. It is prudent to consider that using overindulgence with judgment and generalized promises is a no-win recipe. For example, if I eat 16 ounces of peanut butter cups, then I vow to lose weight come January. It would serve me to see it one step further by visualizing the behavior to the end. In drawing upon past behavior results from similar choices, then I know what to expect in this choice. I will probably experience anger at myself for eating all that candy. Failure-inertia can follow a series of poor choices from not regulating myself. When January rolls around, those 16 ounces are stuck on my backside and angry about it! Equally as upsetting is that I have to purchase larger clothes and feel too embarrassed to go to the gym! 

More on Mindfulness & Guilt

Consider building up supportive affirmations and balancing them with moderation. An example might be, "I want to eat one piece of Pumpkin pie and enjoy it. " Balance and not judging nor shaming yourself is a lifestyle change that lasts beyond impossible all-or-nothing resolutions. A follow up plan to reinforce your supportive affirmation may be to balance this by cutting back on junk food in general or walking an extra mile. 

Changing requires mindfulness to be successful. It is important to be present in that moment to identify the rationale (excuses) we conjure to give permission to excess. In the throes of overindulgence, it is common to bargain to do better later. Robbing from the bank of self with promises to pay it back is an exercise in futility (if it can be referred to exercise at all!). The accompanying guilt, shame and justification often obscure any full enjoyment of such an allowance. However, we can stay present in the that moment and commit to a plan of follow up action. It is through mindfulness that the pendulum does not swing as far from center. We would not be in a state of deprivation nor abundance. As a result, the need for a major all-encompassing resolution will not be necessary, and the ability to engage in healthy changes will prove more likely. 

Contemplate accountability. Having someone other than yourself to check-in with can help you reach your goals. This is where a workout partner, a journal or health/wellness coach can aid your efforts to follow through. If no one is looking, it is easier to fall back into unhealthy behaviors. As we change unhealthy behaviors through accountability partnering, we begin to rely on good decision making from within over time.

All habits can be transformed for the better. When we practice mindfulness and opt to restore balance between the body and mind, our possibilities for self improvement shine through and enrich our mind-body connection. It is possible and necessary to believe you have the ability to transform your life and maintaining a balanced mind-body connection.

Visualization & Hindsight

Hindsight provides clarity and can shape future choices. From this perspective I have observed that a key to balancing health related behaviors is visualization. It is necessary to visualize the behavior all the way to it's end. In other words, what is the likely result of this action? 

Overall, resolutions may be best viewed as daily opportunities to grow. Progress - not perfection, can mediate the need for the January Avalanche Damage Control squad. Grand resolutions born of intense accumulation from poor choices are more difficult to reverse. Harder still is contending with complacency in believing we have no control over our habits. The good news is that change is possible and necessary! Changing habits through gradual, small steps is possible when a person is willing to be consistent, dedicated and excited by development.

Happy New Year!



Copyright © CeCi DeSio-Luongo for Vitality Factor 2017. All rights reserved.